


reconsider my foolish notions

by tanktrilby



Category: Free!
Genre: Haru is obsessive, M/M, Pining, Rin having feels, Rin is a crybaby, and Haru being confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 20:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1239931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tanktrilby/pseuds/tanktrilby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka waits, and is patient, but that doesn't mean he does nothing wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	reconsider my foolish notions

Reach for him the way the water reaches for you; _what’s wrong?_

Don’t listen to him when he says, _I’m fine, jeez, Haru._ Stare at him when he refuses to meet your eyes, cross your arms when he crosses his. Be within arm’s reach at all times, snickering at his DVD collection and listening to his roommate talk, because you’re going to find out what’s gone wrong, and you’re going to fix it.

Race him. Part with the water to see Rin on the next lane over, heaving in oxygen, and turn your face away to hide the gladness that’s sure to be filtering out through your goggles. Argue with him when he decides that he won, but don’t let it get out of hand. Keep him here. Keep him safe.

Daydream -in the moments of quiet when he has to be elsewhere- about what happened, piecing together still sequential pictures of the way Rin looked above you, his wine-colored hair trickling across his face and kiss-swollen lips, his hands fitted into the bare hollows of your shoulders. Regulate your breathing religiously when it comes to _that_ moment; when the cherry-red of his eyes turned liquid and turned to tears and he looked at you like you were all of his deepest wishes come true. Realize that if this is the most of Matsuoka Rin that the world offered you, you’d still be content, grasping on to the mental snapshot of him with his eyes shimmering, leaning down to kiss you.

Remember the terrible things, too; the way a shudder ran through his spine right as his dick eased into you, and you almost mistook it for pleasure until the noise he made ripped the illusion from you. Remember, too, the angle of his sloped back as he leaned his forehead on your shoulder blade and sobbed, his entire body shaking and little broken noises slipping out past his lips.

Remember saying his name, soft, tentative, trying not to make it worse. Remember pulling yourself off his cock as quickly as you dared, and then holding him and holding him as he cried.

Wish you had known what to do then- that something besides uncertain scramble of apologies had occurred to you.

Wait, just like this, for him to come back to you, and have faith that he will. Stay in the bathtub for hours, making your dolphin bath toy swim in circles as you try to puzzle out, _what do you want, Rin?_

Admit that it’s not terribly clear, this situation you've found yourself in; he was the one who dragged you to new places and blushed when you smiled, but you were the one who stayed still and unmoving for four years for him to come back. Ask yourself, _did he even want this_ before you realize that that’s ridiculous, he’d been the one who suggested being together, bound by more than the electric slip-slide of his gaze slashing across yours from one lane over before a race, and you were the one who thought it was the sort of thing that only happened in the best of dreams.

Be unsurprised when, a week later, he shows up on a school night, appearing in your bathroom with his cap tilted to an angle on his head and a complaint on his lips. Stay silent as he sits on the washing machine and arranges his thoughts; wait for him to speak first.

Listen for the gives and tells in his voice when he says, “We should watch a movie or something,” and be startled into smiling back when he grins at you, bright and sharp in the dim lighting.

Don’t argue, and try not to be too visibly surprised when he says -later, when the movie's over, his head in your lap- he wants to try again, different this time. Restrain yourself- let yourself be gentle, the waves lapping at his feet, as you ease one, two, three fingers into him, watching him closely. Go still when he sucks air in through his teeth like it hurts, but resume when he wrenches his eyes back open and says, “It’s fine, go ahead.”

Open your mouth to retort, purely on instinct, but feel it wash away because he’s _tight-_ which is logical, since this is his first time, the same way last week was almost your own. Lean down to kiss him, open-mouthed, desire painted across your tongue, on the very edge of his lips and smile helplessly at the way he turns to you with his eyes closed.

Feel that smile drain away when you look at him - _really_ look at him, and feel something inside of you break when you see the silent tears that are streaking down his face. Watch the shaky rise and fall of his chest as he hiccups soundlessly, the almost-surprise in his eyes like he hadn’t realized he was sad.

Find out what you’ve done wrong, and fix it. Think through the slow wash of disgust at yourself- what happened, what did you _do_ to him.

Listen to him as he chokes, “N-no, don’t, no,” his sobs given voice, stabbing at the deepest parts of you. “Don't stop Haru, please, not now, I-"

Grip his hand with yours and try to hold yourself together, go slow, gentle. Try to ignore the way his exhales sound wet and broken. Jerk him off as you do, and try not to stare too hard at the way his lips part on shaky breaths that climb into a winding moan when he comes.

Wipe his tears after you’re done -embarrassingly quick, in spite of everything- and say, “Rin, it’s okay.”

*

Call him when Nagisa pesters you into going out. Let the spiral of your competitive streaks make you do the most ridiculous things as Makoto struggles not to let the two of you get arrested. Skinny dip in the Samezuka pool and make it a life goal to find pictures of the maid café from last year. Scowl at his impressions of you and try not to smirk too hard when Nitori climbs on his back after practice and challenges you and Nagisa to a double battle.

Catch him grinning at you, the slice of his mouth wicked-sharp and mischievous, and realize that you have gone absolutely crazy over Matsuoka Rin.

*

Give in and sulk by Makoto’s side for the first Friday night in a long time. Glare at the empty seat next to Rei, and start when Makoto says, “Rin’s just resting, Haru-chan. He’ll come back to us next week.”

Scowl at both of them when Nagisa pipes in with, “That’s right, Haru-chan! Rinrin will be here to race you and bite everyone’s head off before you know it!”

 Resist the urge to bang your forehead on the desk as you sense them exchange meaningful looks. Tense when you feel a hand on your shoulder, instantly relax when you realize it’s Makoto, saying, “He’s not slipping away from us again, Haru-chan. I promise.”

*

Open the door to his stunned expression and tell him, “I do open this door sometimes.”

Sigh as this opens up a volley of protests. Ignore his insults and head back to the bath -passing the cup where your toothbrush and his toothbrush are slanted towards each other, a sight that you will never, ever admit warms you.

Cut him off mid-sentence by demanding, “Why today?”

Watch as his annoyance gives way to a gorgeous, sheepish smile; “Sorry ‘bout that,” he says, adding: “bet you missed me while the captain had me on house arrest, huh?”

Cross your arms, and wait. Admit to yourself that maybe you were a little hurt he hadn’t called.

Watch him as he sighs, and slips out of his jacket; “Ah, Haru, I don’t know.”

Watch him as he paces the room, saying that maybe he wasn’t too honest with you; watch the panic flash across his eyes as you feel your eyes widen in pure terror, and his apologies, _shit, no, Haru, it’s nothing like that._

Lean into his hand as he reaches out to cup your face. Track the movement of his Adam’s apple as he swallows, before he says, “No, what I meant was. When I said I liked you, maybe that wasn’t the whole truth.”

Meet his eyes, and feel the connection slam into you; Matsuoka Rin, and it has always been this way. Touch the small smile on his lips when he says, quietly, “I’ve been in love with you ever since I can remember, Haru, and I. It just hits me sometimes.”

Let him go on: “I mean, it’s been going on for so long I didn’t think this sort of thing could happen. Having feelings for you is one thing, but you returning them is kind of a huge deal, you know?”

Feel your heart begin to pound, loud, deafening. Listen to the gurgle of the draining bathwater. Listen to his breaths, as jerky and as irregular as his own. Listen to his voice say your name once more; _Haru?_

Say, “ _Idiot,”_ against his lips as you crash into him, bite it into his mouth, kiss him like you’re drowning. Let it turn long and languid under his guidance, hoisting him up into his usual perch on the washing machine.  

Murmur, “it’s the same for me,” when you break apart for air and watch his eyes grow wide and hazy. Nip at the soft skin where shoulder meets neck, and then once more for emphasis because he seems to enjoy it too much and you were _worried,_ dammit: “You could have said.”

Pretend not to listen to his protests. Ask, “Try again?” and laugh when he nearly falls over.

Struggle to breathe as, a few minutes later, you’re lying on your bed with him above you, and he’s lowering himself onto your cock with a frown of concentration. Reach out for the vines of red hair that curl around his ear, then thread your hand through it and say his name, breathless.

Watch him blink rapidly, and watch as, through the warm, lazy, relentless lust that blankets his features, he looks a little annoyed at himself when the first tears slips past the frame of his dark red eyelashes. Lean up when he tries to pushes you away so you can’t see; when his eyelids flutter shut in anticipation of a kiss, place your lips on them, the soft translucent skin that covers his eyes. Move down, tasting the salt that stains his cheeks, mumbling, “it’s alright,” firmly believing that it is.

Realize that you have him here, now, in a way that no one else ever will. Fit your hands into the sharp dips of his hipbone, and fuck him until he’s moaning your name.

Complain when he sprawls over you, heavy and warm, and drift off with him drooling on your shoulder, thinking that if there was anything in the world worth crying over, it’s Matsuoka Rin.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Many thank-yous to dec, who showed up in this fandom out of nowhere and reminded me of an old challenge where the basic premise was to write a fic where all the sentences began with a command. She then proceeded to swear at my mad typing skillz and laugh at this failed attempt at writing porn. Cheers, love. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
